The Tinder Chronicles

Single gal in her 20’s checks out Tinder. Wouldn’t say it’s the worst thing I’ve ever tried.

And before you throw tomatoes at me like it’s the effin` La Tomatina, here’s a disclaimer to calm your tits:

[Yes, I did try it out. I have installed and un-installed Tinder from my phone twice. I had EXACTLY ONE Tinder date. No, I did not hook up with any of the guys I have ever texted with on Tinder]. There.

Okay, so why did I sign up on Tinder anyway? (I have asked myself that many times, and here it is again) Well, I wanted to see what it’s like to be as superficial as possible and rate people based on their profile pictures only. If you’re shy and don’t like going out in bars, Tinder is a good alternative. You can check out people without having to actually awkwardly meet them. Also, judging by the fact that you can’t fall in love with someone’s personality at first sight, attraction is a very important factor.

So what’s it like on Tinder? Well… You see picture. You like picture? Swipe right. You no like? Swipe left. Picture might also have description. It may be funny or plain boring. You get to decide if it matches the picture and then make the swipe. Really simple. No need for actually thinking things through. No need for thinking about a line. Unless you already have one, you stud.

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What did I find on Tinder so far?

I would say that there are A LOT of guys on Tinder. Any kind of guys, tbh. The laid back ones really like checkered shirts, the ones who want to impress the ladies wear suits and probably a bouquet of roses in their hands for their profile picture. You know, like they’re on a “The Bachelor” audition or something.

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Sometimes the guys would be too confident and send the most obnoxious texts, but hey, we can’t judge because this is a hooking-up app, and most of the times you’ll get what you see. Yes, there are probably people who got married after meeting on Tinder, but they also tell their relatives they met at a convention. Oh, and there’s also couples on Tinder. Or maybe just guys who play the Barney Stinson “I’m so hurt after my ex hurt me, please help me get over it” card. You never know. Unless you swipe right. I didn’t.

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Most guys won’t say anything after you have a match. They either have better matches, or really don’t give a sh*t. It’s “very seldom that you’re blessed to find your equal”, in the words of Bey. But don’t get me wrong. I’ve had really nice conversations with guys on Tinder, providing maps for tourists and sometimes just laughing at this whole weird concept that is online dating. Someone actually told me I’m amazing, because I cracked some Friends and Seinfeld jokes. Well of course I am. Hah.

I’ve set my age limit to 35, because I have boundaries. Or whatever. So I have no idea how the “over 35” age group looks like on Tinder and I don’t really want to. But up until there, half of the guys need fashion consultants. Maybe like a quarter of them could do better with their lines, and the other quarter are actually okay, which is why I would advice getting off Tinder and meet me in real life. Just kidding, I’d probably run. Speaking of running. To my first and last (so far) Tinder date, I wore my running shoes, because he said he’s just a little taller than I am. He lied. He was shorter. It was a nice date, but don’t lie to me. We talked for two more days, but then I deactivated Tinder and disappeared without a trail. Oh, the drama. Yes, I can be a b**ch, too. But I DID NOT LIE.

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(Side note for the ladies: teenage boys also lie about their age, just like teenage girls do. If you happen to find 25 year-olds who look like a 17 year old Edward Cullen, abort mission).

And finally, because no one asked this from me and I’m still willing to give it to you, some tips and tricks for the inexperienced, new to Tinder, wants to get some guy:

  • If you’re kissing a girl in your profile picture, you’re not getting any. If you have an arm around her, not gonna work either. Is it your sister? We don’t know that. *swipes left*
  • If you’re married and I probably know you (small town, fyi), get off Tinder. *swipes left* *ughs*
  • If you’re over 40 and don’t really get social media, this is not Instagram or just another social app. What are you doing here? *swipes left* AGAIN.
  • Putting your name “The Pervert” with no profile picture, chances are you’re not getting any swipes. Are you? Are you, really? *swipes left* *thinks about calling child services*
  • This could be a good description on Tinder:

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if, of course, you are Tony Stark/ Iron Man/ Robert Downey Junior. Are you? *swipes right* 

You probably didn’t even want to read this, but I’m pretty sure that my Avengers gifs really made a good impression on you, amirite? High five!

… Please swipe me right.

 

All gifs via giphy.com (love this site, wish I were a gif myself)

What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

There are good times and bad times. And I’ve had plenty of both, so I can’t really complain about anything at this point. Good times are when I’m what others would call “happy” and what I personally call “balanced”. Bad times are when I’m utterly confused and overwhelmed, mostly by overthinking. Obviously, this post is about the bad times. Because when you struggle to find someone to talk to but you don’t feel like you can completely express yourself, you write on the blog. And by you I mean me. Obviously.

There’s so much pressure in knowing. Knowing what you want, knowing what’s going on in the sense that you can finally overcome the fear of missing out, just knowing where you stand and what’s coming next. That’s kind of a balance. Knowing. 

And I’m about to get really personal here and go ahead and declare I don’t know anymore. I’m floating in space and it’s confusing and I’m really not a fan of this feeling.

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I made a bad pun there. Hehe.

This time it’s different. I guess it’s different every time. But now there’s nothing I can hang on to in order to go back to balance, other maybe than writing everything down and taking selfies at the end. Just kidding, I don’t take selfies. Just kidding again.

Someone asked me what my biggest vice is some time ago and I couldn’t answer. I don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs. However, I found it. It’s overthinking. That, and looking at houses on Airbnb. Yes, I know, I’m weird, welcome to my blog. Going back to overthinking, though. It’s not bad, right? I mean, it could be seen as deeply analyzing a situation. But when you put feelings into that analysis and turn it from an Excel doc into a thought… Boom. And that’s what I did. I exported the Excel into something else (I know a lot more fancy words like “export”, trust me on this one 😉 ).

I do realize this is very vague for anyone to understand what I’m ranting on about. Let’s break it down a bit.

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I’m also distracting you with gifs.

I do know things, I’m not stupid. That much I know about myself, ahem. I know what I’m doing at work, I know how to handle things with my cat etc etc.

But people always seem to go around one thing only: feelings.

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I also know I’m funny.

My opinion is that people who seem very focused on money are probably trying to make it because they need to impress someone they have feelings for. Just saying. Because money doesn’t make the world go round, people do, and people have feelings. Look at me, the Einstein of love. Bad joke.

But what do you do when you don’t know what to do, knowing that no matter what you do, bridges will burn and you’re not really a fan of burning those bridges because they will destroy any hope for balance in the future? (Go back to gif number 1) . Vague again, right? I know that too.

Do you burn the bridges? What if you’re going to miss the bridges? What if the bridges will never talk to you again? Why am I using so many metaphors?

If you didn’t get anything out of this blog, it’s cool, because we shall never mention it in a conversation. But I do like to think this is a funny expression of emotions.

 

I really don’t know. 

Gifs via Google

25 things I know about myself at 25

This post was actually pending for a while. But just in my brain, there are no requests… yet (I’ll get there, I’ll be that famous, no worries). I don’t know why I was postponing it though. Oh yes I do. I like sleeping more.

I became 25 this month (took me a while, huh) and people keep asking me how it feels like. Quite frankly, it doesn’t feel like anything changed, but I guess being 25 is all about what you’ve built up for, while being 24. I hope that line sounded smart to you, because I seriously tried. With no further ado, let’s get into it, shall we?

1. Reading Marie Claire is not pointless. That’s where I learned about the magic of coconut oil. Like seriously. Best sh*t ever.

2. I like cats, too. End of story.

3. I learned that “sorry” is not a word for everything I do. Sorry for being great. Not.

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4. It’s really okay to be blunt, as long as you mind your own business and don’t go ahead hurting people with words that might just be in your brain.

5. Dedicating your time to hobbies is hard. I don’t know how other people can write 2 blogs/week or take up crafting classes. Teach me your ways, Martha Stewarts.

6. It’s all going to suck at some point. Because life is sometimes shitty and you just have to deal with it, and it’s going to happen a lot.

7. Making money isn’t everything. I mean, it’s good for buying stuff but if you wake up at 40 and realize you haven’t done anything but working for the dolla` dolla` bills, don’t blame it on the boogie. It’s not the boogie, it’s you.

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8. I’m thankful there hasn’t been a “worst day ever” in my life yet, and that’s why I spend my time trying not to have one of those days.

9. Days in which you don’t even put pants on are awesome. Resting your brain through sleeping and going on Tumblr are perfect, trust me.

10. Being productive is also awesome. Nothing compares to the feeling of achieving.

11. Still learning how not to sell myself cheap. And no, not in Red District style (even though that’s a job too). Being capable and great at what you do matters and no one should give you less than you deserve.

12. It’s okay if you haven’t peaked in high school. Lord knows it was a very confusing time for everyone, but there’s hope.

13. I have learned that my parents are real people. Meaning they are not there just to put you through college and everything. They have hobbies, interests, a life, and they could become cool friends when you get older, so keep them close and don’t shut them out.

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14. Letting go of friends is okay. You grow apart, it’s part of life. If you can’t find the answer to “why are we still friends?”, something’s not quite spot on.

15. Getting advice and giving advice is not actually the best solution for when you have a problem. Everybody’s subjective and will only relate to similar problems that happened to them, not to you. Since every experience is different, act according to your gut. Even if it’s going to blow, take responsibility for your actions.

16. Listening to Taylor Swift at age 25 is okay.

17. Lipstick is awesome. Sorry, dudes. But hey, guys can try it too. Why double standard everything, right?

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18. Health is really important. One of my biggest fears is getting an incurable disease, because in this day and age, anything can make you sick. I don’t know why I just gave that away, but I guess I needed a self reminder to try and be healthier.

19. You can have regrets at 25. And no, I’m not talking about not eating that ice cream bowl at brunch. Life really gets real in your 20’s and like I said before, it sometimes sucks.

20. Drunk texting is one of my most peculiar habits. I really try to keep it together in general, but hey, I guess my brain really likes tequila.

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21. Friends are really the family you make for yourself. Choosing my friends has been a challenge many times, but I think I got my head around it now.

22. You might actually like some people, but they might not feel the same about you. That’s also okay. And yes, life sucks (again?!), but at least you know where you stand. I don’t just mean romantic relationships here.

23. Jeans are the best pants ever invented. Seriously.

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24. It’s not okay to grow too old too soon.

25. Eat good food.

The end. 

All gifs via Google Images.