Gettin` jiggy with it

Curious title, meant to get your attention and read all the blah-blahs I can actually think of and write down on my blog. But I’m really feeling in the mood to let it out and try to be funny. It’s a hell of a job and quite frankly I’m thinking of becoming a stand-up comedian, my only flaw being I really like sitting down. And I’m pretty sure you heard this joke before but I like to think I came up with it, as I haven’t actually seen it anywhere. Anyway.

So I was at the mall today acting all superficial and judgmental about the other people around me who looked like they had money to buy better clothes than me. Needless to say, a KFC dinner was involved and I couldn’t help but imagine how hard my life would have been if I wasn’t wearing a stretchy dress. Thank. The. Universe. Isn’t it always like this, though? Shopping round, food round. And hey, life tip: don’t wear new clothes if you know you’re having a fast food lunch/dinner. I mean it. Think about it. Wouldn’t it be easier if these kind of companies would actually mean what they say in their tagline/description/whatever?

Case study 1: “KFC, that’s so good”. Bullsh*t. I mean, it is THAT good. But it’d be a lot easier if they could give you a heads up: “Unbutton your pants, it’s KFC time”. Awesome. Straight forward, real. Just the way I like it. Or: “Stop lying to yourself, you’re not on a diet”. And we all know diet food doesn’t taste just like chicken, now, does it? Or: “You’ll see how good it is… when you’re done eating”. G.R.E.A.T. Aaaand, my personal favorite: “Die like Elvis”. I’m wondering if Elvis went to Heaven, because damn, KFC is delicious.

*wink wink*
*wink wink*

Case study 2: “Subway. Eat fresh”. Oh, pleeease. How can you tell me to eat fresh? Do you, dear Subway, sell apple  sandwiches? No? Natural orange juice? No? What do you have then? Aaah, bacon. MY. FAV. Therefore, the logical way to go in this case could be “We know you like to lie to yourself about eating fresh even though you’re eating the same things as you do at KFC”. Which is fast food. Deliciously fast cooked bacon. Mmm. I’ll just come to you when I’m on a diet and imagine how I’m losing weight while eating a five foot long BLT. *that’s what she said*

ahem.
ahem.

And last, but not least…

Case study 3: “McDonald’s. I’m lovin’ it”. Oh, that Justin Timberlake song. All I’m sayin`. And since we’re on the music side here… Why isn’t it “McDonald’s. Gettin` jiggy with it”? Wouldn’t we all like to get a little jiggy with a McChicken? Mhmm. Or: “McDonald’s. Why’d you only call me when you’re drunk”? Because everybody knows it’s the BEST HANGOVER FOOD EVER. Side note: I particularly enjoy the Arctic Monkeys.

Either way,

truth be spoken!
truth be spoken!

 

*all gifs from giphy.com*

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