Reasons why you’re just too old for this sh*t

Not a long time ago (merely 24 days or so) I became 24 years old. Please, no applause. I’ve read some really weird crap on the internet about how the brain starts to get old at 24 and so on and so forth and I cannot bare it. Or is it bear it? Or maybe beer it? Yeah, maybe beer it.

Anyway. In my family we always exaggerate age, so if my brother would be 18, mom would always say he’s 20. You do the math with my age, `cause I’ve  just beered it and I can’t even. Buzzfeed says “I can’t even” is something a teenager would say but I hate teenagers so… I guess it’s just me being young. And hip. And awesome.

tumblr_inline_mv236ciYPS1rbqskr

Moving on. So I have absolutely no idea how old you are and how old you feel like you are, but I gathered some “symptoms” from my own experience (boo hoo) and this is how you know you’re too old for this sh*t:

1. If you have to compare the sound of your washing machine with the sound of trance music to know that you’re listening to trance music, then you’re too old for this sh*t. (But then again, I think everybody does that no matter the age, so…)

2. If your profile picture on Facebook is not a #selfie, you’re too old for this sh*t.

3. If you have to carry wet paper towels in your bag because you just know you’re going to spill something on yourself at some point, you’re too old for this sh*t.

4. If you’re the “We gotta go” person when you go out with your friends, then you’re too old for this sh*t.

5. If you’re too happy to dance on THIS when it’s playing in the club, you’re too old for this sh*t. Or you’re in an Eastern European club. Or they’re just too old for even owning a club. Or it’s just the wrong club.

6. If you have no idea what a gif is, you’re too old for this sh*t. And you also disappoint me.

giphy (1)

7. If you believe that brown is the best color ever, you’re too old for this sh*t.

8. If you start liking your friend’s baby photos, you’re too old for this sh*t. And hey, no offense to my friends with babies. You’re cool and I like kids.

9. If you start telling other people what they should do with their lives, you’re too old for this sh*t.

10. If your new favorite catch phrases are “I’m young at heart” or “Old, but wise”, you’re trying too hard, and you get the point.

Bonus: 

11. If your name is James Franco and you keep posting half naked selfies on Instagram, you’re too old for this sh*t.

But we like it. Sincerely, the girls on the internet.

giphy (2)

 

(all gifs from giphy.com)

Advertisements

The real things you need to learn by the time you become 24

Given the fact that a month from now I’ll be celebrating my birthday (*cough cough*), thought I’d give this a go and see how much of a smartass I am at 23. I’m sorry for the use of the word “smartass”, but I’m not in the mood of opening Merriam Webster just to sound impressive and give you such a fake illusion about myself. Moving on. Here’s what you need to know, as I learned things by myself and not from Women’s Health magazine, although some of that crap is sometimes pretty legit. Just sayin`.

Read the freaking news. I mean, just go on Google, click News, and read it. Oh, and learn how to search on Google. I know so many people who have no idea of what to do with Google and how to search for things, when it’s so simple. But this is not a tutorial, though. Just figure that by yourself at least by the time you get out of college.

Do your studies. No comment on this one though.

Know what’s good for you. Meaning body, food, people. Choose well. Make sure you know what you’re allergic too (people included) but then again, don’t forget to experiment (again, people included). Eat your food, learn how to cook, but don’t freak out about it. Unless you’re scared to set your house on fire. Haha, just kidding.

Learn to live by yourself. I mean, no problem if you live with your parents, but get ready to meet the real world soon. And rest assured, you’ll learn how to cook for yourself by yourself. Nobody makes better pasta than me now, I am convinced.

Talking about food, and not only, have some manners. I mean, not everybody’s interested in your breaking-up conversation on the phone during our common bus ride. And also, imagine the “pleasure” of having date with someone who eats like this:

wcg6

 

Get out of the country once. I’m not telling you “Travel, you need to see these places by the time you’re 24” and all that kind of blah-blahs in Forbes. No. Go to the neighbor country for all I care, or at least get some international friends. Not the ones that say “I love you” instead of “Hello” on Facebook, though.

Since we’re on the Facebook chapter, be social, share (the news on Google or anything), take selfies, you’re in your 20s. Enjoy it. But don’t duckface. Or do, whatever.

Listen to music. Have your ears prepared for everything, though, you never know what you might like.

Have your signature dance moves. I don’t know, do them at home only or out in the city. But have your thing. It’s fun, trust me.

Don’t have ONE favorite song. I mean, think about it. They’re all either about sex, love… Umm… Yeah, sex or love. I mean, can you really choose? Yeah, thought so 😉

Get ready to be disappointed. Even by friends. That doesn’t mean they’re not your friends anymore though. I mean, get ready to disappoint them back. You shall not be able to avoid it (*read in Gandalf voice*).

Know some movies. I’m not telling you to watch all movies since the history of cinematography, but know some titles, watch something. Think of it as common knowledge. Even “American Pie” has some things to teach you. I didn’t watch it, though. Did I lose something in life?

Have a favorite TV show to watch. Mine is Suits. But then again, Game of Thrones and House of Cards are pretty badass too. Oops, I said badass again. Didn’t find any clever synonyms, sorry. Anyway, you’re welcome.

Listen to your parents. As cheesy as it sound, they’ve been around on this planet for a longer time and check this out: they took/ still take care of you. Be grateful.

Be kind with other people and try to have some empathy. You can be a jerk, whatever creams your biscuit, but that won’t always bring good things down your path. Because, you know, not everybody likes a jerk. Just be decent.

Try to be good at something, even if that means being able to eat a KFC booster in less than a minute (boo yah!)

wcg6

 

*cough cough*

Sorry for not giving you the “dare to dream” speech, but you’ve probably heard that one too many times to believe it anymore. I know I don’t.  And for the record, you’re not supposed to follow my lead. For all you know, I could be writing this article and be all like:

tumblr_m9je58g5hj1qzqdem

Don’t judge me.