I have no idea what I’m doing.
That’s probably something anyone could say, really, because I don’t believe there is a single person in this world who can say they know what they’re doing for a 100%. This probably doesn’t make any sense now. I know. But for the n* time in my life I wish I knew what I was doing, because uncertainty is a bitch. And this quote is actually somewhere on Tumblr, with a nature picture on the background. Damn hipsters ruin everything.
Anyway. Yes, I hate not knowing, and except for those people I like to call “fools” who love not knowing what life is about and write about it on Medium, I don’t know any persons who feel different from me. I mean, of course they’re different, I was just emphasizing the other part.
I mean, it’s probably okay, right? It’s okay, I guess, because if everybody feels that way, then you’re not supposed to feel alone in this, right? Like… When you’re asking yourself why do you feel so lonely on a Sunday when all you did was eat, read, watch 2 movies and take care of your cat, it’s okay not to know why. Or like when you find yourself crying in the middle of the night for no reason, it’s okay not to know, right? I’m sure everyone does that. And I’m also sure that by making these last 2 sentences sound like funny examples, no one will take me seriously. And if they do, they’ll probably say something like “it’s not okay to share this, you know”. No, I actually don’t know.
I also don’t know what depression is. When I don’t find my answers to those questions above that sounded funny but aren’t, I go and say “Oh, it’s just because I’m a little depressed” or “Woo hoo, spring asthenia is kicking in”. And yes, it’s probably true, but the fact is, it’s not a diagnosis given by a doctor. It’s just stupid Tumblr posts and 2 movies on a Sunday afternoon. And that’s because nobody really cares about finding out what it is that they’re doing. Assuming is a lot easier, and taking others seriously is something people in general cannot deal with. Meaning “no, depression is not a real thing”. It’s just the weather, pollution, the situation in Iraq and the kids in Africa. That’s probably why we can’t have nice things.
You have to be kinda selfish to be depressed. And in times like these, you do not want to even seem selfish.
Not okay to share stuff like this on the Internet, why should people know, right? You know what? People have to just deal with it. It’s the same as swearing on the Internet. Sure, they don’t like hearing it, but it’s part of language. And of culture, if I may say so. You know that if you swear, someone could feel offended, and that’s because they actually feel uncomfortable. Why spear them? Why keep feelings to yourself when they mean something? Why not just call things as they are and as a reaction to people who do that, pay some respect and show trust?
It’s better if we don’t know, though. Ignorance is bliss. Right?
The distraction Gifs come from giphy.com. Yeah, I bothered.